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"I'd rather die tomorrow than to live a hundred years without knowing you..."
"I'd rather lose you than hurt you..."
"Do I need to cheat to keep your eyes on me...?"
"Don't underestimate love...."
"Do i have to TRY to get your attention....?"
"We only realize and regret when we lose something dear... but its too late..."
"I know love can't be bought.... but getting flowers or chocolates from you just spices up things.... gifts from you means a lot to me"
"To the world, you are just one person
But to ONE person, you could mean the world"
Monday, May 18, 2009
Yesterday...
Me and my boyfriend had like a really huge fight....
It almost cost our relationship....
It was terrifying....
I know that i can be unreasonable sometimes....
I'll try to be better for you hunny.....
I could not imagine losing you....
You told me that you knew the reason why we were arguing....
I never thought of that....
But it was true....
Yesterday was one of the nights i fear the most....
Baby....
I never want to let you go....
I keep asking questions because I'm afraid....
Its not that i don't trust you....
Our relationship....
I have no solid explanation for this....
And because of that....
Our relationship starts to fall apart....
I have been really happy since u were with me....
You have brighten up my life baby....
You cheer me up with your silly ways and cares to make me laugh when i am down....
You hold me tight to you like you have never touched before....
You hug me close to you like you can never let me go....
You kiss me when my lips crave for more....
You held my hand and cuddle me like I'm your little princess....
I hope we are together side by side forever n always....
Knowing that you are always there for me....
I have been stronger....
Knowing that you will catch me before i fall....
I am not afraid....
Knowing you are mine....
I am proud....
Knowing you are precious to me....
I keep you safe in my heart....
Knowing you love me....
I am now complete....
I know i piss u off sometimes....
But i did not realise that....
So tell me if i am hurting you or making you sad....
So that i wont make the mistake again....
Even when I'm tired....
I try not to fall asleep knowing that time is not on our side....
I'll come on to be with you whenever i have the chance....
You mean a lot to me hunny!
I can go on about you forever....
Hehe....
Thats about it about my darling....
Hmm....
Okay....
As i was saying....
I wish last night never happened....
When i came online....
You never talk to me....
But luckily i have my babe Vanisha.....
She helped us alot!
She helped me talk to you and try to convince you....
Yet, nothing happened....
So i tried to talk to you first instead....
The way you answer me was short....
So i have to THINK up something to start a conversation....
But yet...
You manage to make everything short and a full stop....
I was starting to get sad and abit pissed....
So i was getting your attention by saying 'things'....
You told me it hurts you to hear me say that....
I'm sorry....
Then minutes passed by with the same sad things....
Then i finally gave up....
But not fully cause i have said....
I'm never letting you go that easy....
And just say whatever i wanted to say without thinking....
And you got pissed....
I was already crying from the beginning....
I could not stand the pain....
I did not want to talk to u or leave you....
So i thought i needed to be alone....
Things were so bad....
Then, you gave up too....
You said that you were trying to make things better but i didnt listen and made things worse....
You said that our relationship is fucked....
You cant imagine how sad i was at that moment....
Tears were rolling down non stop....
The pain was too much to bear....
I felt like my heart was just stabbed....
I cant believe this but....
I did thought of suicide....
i did not know if i wanted to do it but i have thought of it....
Luckily i dont really do those without thinking first.....
Vanisha was trying to help and slept really late just to help us....
Thanks babe!
But she had to sleep sooner or later....
So then there was me and you....
Alone....
After a while....
You started to talk....
I started to talk....
Things just got better and better....
Then we were making up for everything....
I was SOOOOO happy when i know that you really dont want us apart and you still love me....
It was such a relive that we did not break up....
I dont know what to do if we did.....
I stayed up like till 3 in the morning talking to you....
Spending time with you....
It was amazing....
But....
Mr sandman just visited me....
I was getting really sleepy and my eyes were starting to close....
I was sad that i had to leave you....
I want to spend most of my time with you....
Then it was all happy and sweet dreams for me....
*smiles*
I love you more than ever now~
Hunny....
I love you....
I miss you....
So much!
I dont regret any decision i've made to be with you....
You are always in my heart baby....
I asked God for love
And He gave me YOU
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I want to apologise to everyone i hurt, lied, disappointed, or made u feel worse....
But the thing is....
I don't dare to say it to your face....
I'm afraid that you would hate me....
If i ever did any of those...
I really did not mean it because i had to....
I hope i'll have the courage to help me to actually apologize to you....
I want a fresh start without changing the whole me....
There are things i regret not doing n things i had done....
Everywhere i go....
No matter where....
I sometimes feel that i don't belong....
I have people i care and people i despise....
I hate hypocrites but sometimes i am one myself....
I am not true to my heart sometimes....
So please forgive me....
I hate backstabbers....
I'm happy that i don't do that....
I hate liars....
But tell me...
Who in the world don't lie....
We do what humans can do....
We take it when the opportunity comes....
Cause we only live life once....
I feel that....
Every single human being has a small desire to do things that they can't imagine....
To be bad....
To be invincible....
I hate people who thinks that other people are losers...
Shits...
Unimportant....
Useless....
FYI....
Nobody's perfect....
Life is beautiful if you know the way to see how's life is suppose to be....
You decide....
I hate my life so much that i love it....
Hard to explain but yeah....
I hate the word Fuck....
But i, myself use it....
I may seem okay....
But deep inside i am,was, always bleeding....
I may seem fragile....
But i am strong....
I may seem fun....
But i am trying....
I may seem lesbian....
But i am in love with a guy....
I may seem right....
But i am lost....
I may be polite....
But i am rude....
I may be me....
But i certainly don' wanna be you....
Life's so unpredictable....
I cant imagine being hurt by the one's i love....
I cant imagine the ones i hate will be there for me....
So there's life...
As life is always bouncing up and down....
But all i want to say is....
Life is precious....
I treasure it always....
I only can FEEL when i have life....
Cause not existing in this world would suck....
No matter who you are, where you are, what you do....
Always listen to your heart....
Where life is what you want it to be....